So it happened without much of a fuss, the turning 40 and everything in between. I figured it would be something that would be monumental, but as it turned out, it was another day like any other, except for the rain and the other issues that were associated.
As with most of life, I'm seeing things about the same. Too many directions are beckoning for attention, and too many things are pulling at me that I allow to do so. Ultimately I suppose I have to face the difficult choices I've either denied or attempted to resolve but need to cut away. I've wrestled with the idea that if I make the hard choices, it will make me a bad person, but in reality, I know it won't...it will make things a little sadder and perhaps a little empty, but I'll survive, I've always had to.
I looked for whatever reason to the status of my first Stepfather, Leonard. I guess I needed to come to terms with him, and come to terms with that point in my life. I think I have, and it's helped. I think also I have to remind myself and the people closest to me that I choose my own path, and that if I make a choice, endure a situation, deal with pain, it's a choice. As such, it's also my choice to shake those feelings and situations off, which I feel I might need to do. I can't shoulder or shelter people anymore, it's just not in me to do.
We'll see.
More Later
- M -
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